Chris Newlin

111 posts published

📍 Houston, TX

Mighty Big Shoes and Banksy Unveiled

Mighty Big Shoes and Banksy Unveiled

They lob insults at each other, immigrants, women, minority groups, the LGBT community, RINOs, and Dems - casting blame for high gas prices, inflation, unaffordable healthcare, skyrocketing Rx prices...yet they're too afraid to tell daddy to stick his Florsheims up his fat, mango-tinted butt.

They Sleep Just Fine

They Sleep Just Fine

"The Iran war is part of God’s plan and President Donald Trump was “anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.'" -combat unit commander to non-com officers It's a rhetorical question that you

Shittz and Giggles

Shittz and Giggles

The absurdity of it all jumps in front of you, and you have to laugh just to keep from committing a violent crime.

and now the ICEholes are killing white people

and now the ICEholes are killing white people

That's right, ladies. The age of chivalry is quite dead. And you may be too if you're one of those woke, wine moms and decide to wave a sign or scream at our fine protectors of freedom (and pedophiles).

The Lucky and the Deranged

The Lucky and the Deranged

One prominent group of TDS sufferers are the Mar-a-Lag-Hos. These are the botoxed, siliconed, stretched, tightened, filled, and puffed ladies and gentlemen who wander the red-carpeted halls of the Trump resort and sometimes the White House.

Thankful It's Over - For Now

Thankful It's Over - For Now

Political discord: forgiven and forgotten when smothered in gravy.

The Mad King

Like an evangelical minister doing coke rails behind the pulpit, Hegseth paced and preached. “No more division, distraction, and gender delusions. No more debris. As I’ve said before, and will say again: We are done. With that. Shit.” And then he gave them 45 minutes of that shit.

The Turkey that Destroyed US Healthcare

The Turkey that Destroyed US Healthcare

The swarthy and sinister RFK Jr, the one who appears every bit as baked - physically and mentally - as that dead brown bird on your Thanksgiving table, is dismantling what's left of America's health care system.

Investing w/ Uncle Warren & Cousin Jimmy

Investing w/ Uncle Warren & Cousin Jimmy

"All of our running and all of our cunning, if we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." And other life lessons. Join us at the Buffett.

Big Bird Flips the Bird

Big Bird Flips the Bird

When Winston Churchill was asked to cut funding to the arts in order to support the war effort in WWII, he responded, “Then what would we be fighting for?” **

Incident at Buc-ee's

Incident at Buc-ee's

Trump supporters have taken the hint and are ready to punch or to shoot. Trump haters feel cornered and out of peaceful options. Both groups may find common ground in their collective nihilism - ready to declare war on a common enemy - Trump and the rest of the 1%.

The Three Pendejos!

The Three Pendejos!

The idea that "no one could have seen this coming," or that "nothing could have been done," being repeated by officials is just a deflective exercise in CYA. (Cover Your Ass.) And did you know that Ken Paxton had an affair?

Grannie Dannie Needs a Gummie, Bezos Bought a Bride

Grannie Dannie Needs a Gummie, Bezos Bought a Bride

The same old story: Married nerd father meets married Fox TV anchor mom. Married nerd almost loses married TV anchor, but whips out a pic of his... balance sheet. Nerd and TV anchor hook up and tangle like a couple of meth infused weasels.

I, Love a Parade

I, Love a Parade

By all accounts, the whole Trump parade thing seemed pretty dull. It was less Leni Riefenstahl's "Triumph of the Will" and more Bill Murray's "Stripes."

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - Pride Edition

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - Pride Edition

Musk wanted to stay in his role beyond the 130-day time limit set by statute. But, love grows stale, it seems, and a 4-month relationship is more than Trump could bear. The Oval Office simply couldn't continue to hold two egos of this size. Our daddies are breaking up.

My Mother, The Ghost

personal stories

My Mother, The Ghost

"Where are the kids, the ones that were here a minute ago?" My mother, in the throes of dementia, was looking for my sister and me as children. Dementia is a brutal disease.

The Thrill is Gone

The Thrill is Gone

Your nighttime dreams are forgotten as you doomscroll yourself awake. There's no time for daydreams as your phone pings with every Trump alert. Our mental health is in decline as the country falls off the World Happiness Chart.

The Nazification Escalation

The Nazification Escalation

Ridiculing the Trump deep state as Naziesque, joking around about his Nazi enablers seemed at times to be tiresome and so much amplified hysteria. Not anymore.

A Warm Place in Hell

A Warm Place in Hell

"You're just a dude. You look like a McKinsey consultant. Or some Wall St. rando." He laughed. Hard. "Wall St. I mean, a huge client base for me, that's for sure!"

Texas: Furry Dildo Roundup Time

Texas: Furry Dildo Roundup Time

OPSEC is good... so we can confirm Signal chat intercepted by morons. The Furries are frightening. THC may put you in the TDC. And they're coming for your dildos. Repeat: They're coming for your dildos.

Fun with Doublethink

national politics

Fun with Doublethink

"...if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed -if all records told the same tale – then the lie passed into history and became truth." -G. Orwell, 1984

The Quimby Court of the Mango King

The Quimby Court of the Mango King

As for Musk, his super PAC aired $1 million worth of ads that said, “Thank you, President Trump." Another dog pressing his nose against the Mango King's booty.

Who is it For?

We hated them Commies because 'They don't take care of their people!' As the Trump Train rolls on, with African Immigrant Musk at the controls, it's hard to say we care about anyone anymore... except the billionaire class.

Disorder, Distractions, and Diversions

Disorder, Distractions, and Diversions

"Bick, you shoulda shot that fella a long time ago. Now he's too rich to kill."

The Casinos at Mar-a-Gazo

The Casinos at Mar-a-Gazo

The proposed blitzkrieg that would sweep up the Panama Canal, Greenland, Gaza, Canada, and a few island nations to be named later? These pronouncements and declarations are all Weapons of Mass Distraction.