Chris Newlin - Texas Outlaw Writers

The Quimby Court of the Mango King

As for Musk, his super PAC aired $1 million worth of ads that said, “Thank you, President Trump." Another dog pressing his nose against the Mango King's booty.

Trump

Who is it For?

We hated them Commies because 'They don't take care of their people!' As the Trump Train rolls on, with African Immigrant Musk at the controls, it's hard to say we care about anyone anymore... except the billionaire class.

Trump

Disorder, Distractions, and Diversions

"Bick, you shoulda shot that fella a long time ago. Now he's too rich to kill."

Trump

The Casinos at Mar-a-Gazo

The proposed blitzkrieg that would sweep up the Panama Canal, Greenland, Gaza, Canada, and a few island nations to be named later? These pronouncements and declarations are all Weapons of Mass Distraction.

Trump

We'd Nail Him Up Again

He would call her a “Radical Left hard-line Trump hater” on his Truth Social site. He demanded that the Bishop apologize. Because she asked for mercy.

Trump

Always Look on the Bright Side of Trump

"What a delight it would be for the once and future president to turn and see Ms. Obama on the front row in one of those QAnon Shaman headdresses."

national politics

Jimmy Carter: A Final Note

In a time where chaos reigns, the memorial service for Jimmy Carter was a formal and traditional ritual that seemed almost anachronistic. It was as decent and gracious as the man himself.

national politics

The President We Need

A farmer. A Navy lieutenant. A pious man - faithful to God, country, wife, and family. A servant leader who risked his rank, reputation, and popularity for his nation and its people. James Earl Carter, Jr. was the kind of president we always "say" we want.

Holidays

Merry Christmas from the Texas Outlaw Writers

Happy Holidays, Y'all.

World History

When Stupid is Dangerous

History is often seen as an outline of man's continual advancement through time. In reality, it's one dumb, arrogant stumble after another.

Health Care

Torches, Pitchforks, and Bullets

There haven't been a lot of expressions of sympathy for the murder victim on social media. - from either the left or the right. What irony if the mob-style hit of an exec of a insurance corporation that is widely seen as predatory is the act that brings the nation together.

Food

Turkeys that Kill*

It seems that "food scientists" have come up with a new scare. Washing your turkey. That's right, rinsing off Big Bird in your sink can be fatal. The TeeVee lady said so!

Trump

if Ken Burns did a Trump Documentary

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Election

Surprise! and Welcome Trump 2.0!

It was awful, and as all of our progressive friends are wringing their hands and rightfully telling us, 'it's gonna get awfuller.'

Election'

TX Outlaw Writers: We Endorse...

Shouldn't The Outlaws take a principled stand and endorse a candidate? We're not the type to sell out! I mean, we're willing to hear an offer, but you can count on us to do the right thing! (How much did you say again?)

Trump

the girlfriend rule

Which of your friends has gone to the Dark Side, politically speaking? Use the same observational skills you used when trying to get a deeper understanding of that attractive date you brought to meet your pals.

Energy

Texas's Wobbly Marriage to Oil and Gas

"The state has been flirting with some of those new-fangled energy sources. And maybe more than flirting, lately, we've jumped into bed with an eager, renewable energy mistress."

Culture

Words, Words, Words

Like any modern cultural contagion, nonsensical corporate blather has spread to civilian use, mainly via social media. We hardly do anything in person anymore, so you're likely to hear this junk being overused as you scroll your Facetagram pages, or whatever media you pay attention to.

Trump

To Spite Your Face

Trump lopped off his nose in the debate. In addition, his campaign, close allies, and the whole GOP are an army of noseless ghouls wreaking havoc on others. An entire political party bent on cutting off their nose simply to spite their face.

Election

Death Branding and Other Cons

"It is all marketing and brand because the reason people choose things 98 percent of the time is not rational. It’s emotional."

In Dire Need of Sex

Who are these athletic, highly educated, successful, confident, independent women dating? MAGA men are discovering that it's not them. A flexed muscle, a dually truck with loud pipes, and a great pickup line just don't seem to impress the ladies like they used to.

Election

What Would Molly Ivins Say?

As we often do in times of political stress where we need a laugh and a bit of hope, we remember Molly Ivins, and wonder, "What the hell would she say about all of this?"

Election

The Horrors, The Horrors

"Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I never wanted another." Was Cpt. Willard heading to the 2024 election?

Travel

Everything is Fine

They announced pre-boarding, and suggested that we all line up for our seating. "Except for those connecting to Nassau, your flight is canceled."

Trump

The Debate Debate

His falsehoods ranged from "oh, bullshit," to "this is the kinda crap that produces violent fury." Which is his M.O.

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