Chris Newlin - Texas Outlaw Writers

Everything is Fine

They announced pre-boarding, and suggested that we all line up for our seating. "Except for those connecting to Nassau, your flight is canceled."

Trump

The Debate Debate

His falsehoods ranged from "oh, bullshit," to "this is the kinda crap that produces violent fury." Which is his M.O.

culture wars

When the Elite Meet to Eat

"You ain't gonna get any nouveau, amandine, thin crust, bottled water, sauteed city food. Food's brown, hot, and plenty of it." -Cookie, the Chuck Wagon cook in "City Slickers"

Trump

Man up, Pilgrim

God-damn, I'm the stuff men are made of! -John Wayne

Culture

Bears, More Bears, and a Trans Hippo

Do modern Goldilocks have the right to appropriate bear culture? When we last left the fairy tale, the bear family was chasing her out of their house... Mama bear was NOT pleased to catch Goldi in the marital bed! Did anyone ask a damn bear how they felt about all of this?

Food

We Done Runned Out of Skrimps!

If you live in a town that only had a Sonic, a DQ, and a Billy Bob's Pizza Parlor, it can seem even more ritzy. The Lobster was to many, in a word, "fancy."

Economy

The War on Youth

The Greatest and Silent Generations understood the importance of a social contract. After having experienced World Wars and the Great Depression, they understood the need to build community. Then their kids (that's us, btw,) got greedy.

art

The Road Goes On Forever and the Potty Never Ends

"There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos"... and apparently a black crapper with blue LED lighting.

Science

The Sun is in Tune

If you monitored social media and certain "news" sources, you might have thought that Jesus was spontaneously planning the eclipse as a bit of divine retribution. Or if you listened to certain MAGAts, it was some kind of globalist conspiracy.

Trump

Make the Bible Great Again

Your "God Bless the USA Bible" will ship with a copy of the Declaration of Independence, AND the Pledge of Allegiance! You will never have to worry about the separation of church and state again!

Trump

We Need a Break from Spring Break

Paxton's droopy eyelid isn't the only thing limp at home. Could the Texas Porn boycott be driving the lecherous Attorney General into the arms of another mistress?

Texas Politics

I Find Your Lack of Imagination Disturbing

Texas keeps turning ever rightward, and this last set of primary elections continues the trend. It would be nice to keep public education, but it's not a given. Imagine turning off Friday Night Lights in Texas.

Technology

Disrupting Evil

The nerds and geeks that were the butt of jokes in high school became "tech bros" and the titans of the information revolution. And with great power, came great irresponsibility.

sports

Superbowl Takeaways

Pro Sports, as exemplified by the Superbowl, struggle to avoid political and cultural minefields that might alienate their audience. Meanwhile, TV subscriptions and the cost of tickets are making games unaffordable for all but elite fans.

national politics

Welcome Back to Middle School

What on earth would trigger someone's fury over seeing a happy young couple enjoying themselves, enjoying each other, and enjoying life?

Economy

Masters of Our Universe

So many of our Masters of the Universe want to escape earth in their rocketships. If these guys are so smart... smart enough to plot interstellar real estate development, why aren't they smart enough to solve a few problems here, at home?

International Politics

Greeting 2024 with Bright Red Feathers

"The drag performer Eula Rochards who outed "Kitara Ravache" (George Santos' performer name) was fairly surprised to hear that he was a Republican."

personal stories

To Grandmother's House We Go

The late-night drive home along FM roads took me back to childhood holiday road trips. Passing farms and fields with small frame houses, many bare save for one or two light strings and maybe a plastic manger scene. It took me back.

Culture

Your Holiday Journey

We're a year out from the next presidential election – the president has a full quarter of his term left to serve. But I bet your Thanksgiving sounded like a bad cable news debate. Or worse yet, Thanksgiving with the family. And it's a preview of Christmas to come.

Culture

The Tipping Point

Take a few lunch shifts at your neighborhood T.G.I.Chiligans, pour a couple hundred artisanal IPAs over at Bro's Brewpub, or sign up to drive for Uber or Lyft. Experience why you should be a better tipper.

Health Care

America's Sweetheart Needs a Handout

Getting perfect 10s on the floor exercise and vault to win the individual all-around gold medal in the Olympics doesn't count for much when you roll into the hospital emergency room, unable to catch your breath.

Culture

The Meritocracy at Kitty's Lounge

Kitty’s was hoppin’, mostly on knee and hip replacements. Between the Magellan fishing shirts and the guayaberas, there wasn’t a tucked-in shirt in the house. Kirk started hitting the famous cowbell beat to kick off “Honky Tonk Woman,” and the place erupted.

Houston

Meet Me in the Astrodome

It defined an era in Houston. It symbolized who we were and what we could accomplish. Today it's padlocked, a depressing reminder of our can't-do present.

Texas Politics

Only Willie Can Save Us Now

Remember when Texas was fun? Remember all that pride in our state? Unfortunately, Republicans started winning elections. To paraphrase decades of Austinites, "Texas: it's not like it used to be."

Music

Jimmy Buffett - Death of a POPULAR Poet

"Despite the pain, he smiled every day. He was kind when he had every excuse not to be. He told us not to be sad or scared, but to keep the party going. And as much as I’d like to use that as an excuse to drink myself into oblivion worthy of his literary heroes, I know it’s not what he meant… "

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