I am frankly a little chagrined as I begin this look at the week. I glanced at a headline and the story turned out to be very different. I didn't read thoroughly enough and thought that Larry David attacked Elon on the Today Show. Turns out is was Elmo, so my apologies.
Although, to be fair to Larry, I don't know if the little red-carpeted SOB was asking for it.
But, I do know that Elon is, and that kicks off our latest sojourn into the gigantic tar baby that is American politics in the year of our Lord, 2024.
For example, Elon, who is an immigrant, wrote this earlier in the week...
"Biden’s strategy is very simple:
1. Get as many illegals in the country as possible.
2. Legalize them to create a permanent majority – a one-party state.
That is why they are encouraging so much illegal immigration. Simple, yet effective.
This explains why there are so few deportations, as every deportation is a lost vote."
Yep, very simple. In fact, too simple for one simple reason. They can't vote. You could fill up Texas with millions of illegal or legal immigrants, and it would still vote red. That's because, again Elon, they can't vote. Or, in a parlance that might be more understandable for you, voting is verboten.
Elsewhere in my semi-beloved Lone Star State, the "Army of God" truck convoy and conspirapallooza hit the town of Dripping Springs on its way to do something or other at the border. Joining them there, were...
Yep, it's Caribou Barbie and the 'Nuge, whose biggest hit came out 47 years ago, so obviously the kids are still jivin' to it in malt shops all over the land of the free. Never ones to miss an opportunity at attempted relevance, they "entertained" the crowd who, to be honest, seemed more interested in Covid and January 6th conspiracies and how the Jews were all somehow at the epicenter.
The San Antonio Current described it this way...
"Hamas is coming across [the border], Hezbollah is coming across, Venezuela is filled with Hezbollah, you understand that," war correspondent-turned-conspiracy theorist Michael Yon yelled into the microphone. "Venezuela is filled with Hezbollah. They speak Spanish fluently. Their soccer team is Venezuelan, their body language is Venezuelan and they grew up in Venezuela."
Yon then alleged Jewish Americans are funding the border crossings of anti-Israel terrorists.
"The United States is the main funder; another main funder is the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society, Jewish, right?" Yon said. "They are actually funding the people that are going to come to places like Ft. Lauderdale synagogues, and they're going to scream 'Allah Ackbar,' and they're going to shoot the shit out of them."
And, big surprise here, formerly respected journalist Lara Logan was even there reminding the crowd to find the names and addresses of legitimate media folks covering the event and then do lord knows what.
So, we have the usual gift basket of fruits and nuts making hay out of our border problems.
Meanwhile, in Washington, the GOP-dominated House of Representatives is anxiously awaiting the bi-partisan immigration bill they have been clamoring for, nay, demanding for months before they will do any more governmenting. So Democrats and Republicans in the Senate have been working on that bill and will reveal it this week. At that point, the invertebrates in the House will refuse to do anything about it, and likely, Marjorie Taylor Greene will call for impeaching everyone involved.
Dumb, right? Politically inept, right? A gift to Democrats, right? Now, here's what makes this year's Presidential matchup such a frustrating exercise.
This kind of attack of political stupids that is afflicting the House, should be delectable fodder for Democratic strategists. I mean, you have Nikki Haley actually saying states have the right to secede. The Mango Mussolini saying the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, whom he appointed, is trying to make the economy better to help Biden, though I was under the mistaken impression apparently that it is his actual job. Trump now owes Jean Carroll a bazillion dollars because he was a complete "richard" in court. He hid even more documents than we knew at his Florida swankienda.
Governor Ironside here in Texas has decided "Supreme Court/Schmupreme Court. I'll do what seems expedient...I mean, right and proper." Our Attorney General is tracking down trans kids in hospitals in other states. Mexican people are drowning in the Rio Grande and Willie still can't get legal weed.
Add to all this, the fact that the economy is booming. Interest rates will be cut this year, having done their job. The latest jobs report was a blockbuster. Unemployment is at a 40-year low. There is not going to be a recession. We are now the largest producer of oil in the world. Gas prices are at pre-pandemic levels.
And they can't seem to get the word out about that. These are things that should be part of every Democratic commercial, but President Gramps finds himself on the defensive with every media question. Meanwhile, Fox can find a cloud behind every silver lining, and they promote it tirelessly.
And the Democratic Party can't break up the circular firing squad. Will Rogers understated the case.
Every constituency of the Democratic Party must be assuaged if their vote is to be earned. Angry about Israel? Well, then I'm not voting for you. Angry about the Palestinians? Forget my vote. You didn't keep enough promises to women, African-Americans, Hispanics, gay folks, Native-Americans, environmentalists, young people, old people or again, Willie.
So, they won't vote for the old guy. Who then? Jill Stein, for heaven's sake? Joe Manchin? Hey if you want a Republican, vote for a real one at least. Robert Kennedy, Jr? Just set your ballot on fire. At least it will be entertaining.
It is said that Democrats must fall in love, and Republicans fall in line. All this is happening as the GOP is in more disarray than at any time since Watergate. Hell, Nixon looks like a PR master compared to these folks. But every Democratic strategist except Carville is afraid to upset anyone. For some reason, they are afraid to point out that if they don't vote for the unyoung guy, they get the other unyoung guy who not only doesn't like them, but is a demonstrably fatuous bonehead.
Meanwhile, like jangling car keys to distract a toddler, my erstwhile colleagues in the press run breathlessly to AOC or MTG or any other mouth machine on Capitol Hill willing to say something loud and obnoxious. Biden walks haltingly, you know, like an 81-year-old guy, and that is news. Meanwhile, a Trump supporter in South Carolina says he likes him because he hugged an American flag like it's a female writer at Bloomingdales. This fondling, by the way, was without asking the flag's permission.
For you lip readers out there, yes, he is saying, "I love you, baby." I know. Me want to fwow up, too.
So, if you're a Democrat, you have a killer economy going for you, and people who need to be convinced that the price of eggs is the fault of Kroger, not inflation. You have a House of Representatives who can't keep a Speaker more than a few months and refuse to do any legislating because it interferes with tonight's appearance with Judge Jeanine Boxwine. Conservative pundits are actually discussing how and when the Pentagon will unleash the Taylor Swift Super Bowl bomb.
And finally, a multi-indicted chowderhead candidate who spends more time on the comb-over than at the President's Daily Brief.
And you're losing.
In a piece a few months ago, I offered the idea that the candidates this year would turn out to be Gavin Newsom and Ron DeSantis. OK, I'm not a political Nostradamus, but maybe next time. Either way, Republicans need to take the Party of Lincoln away from these oafish knuckle-draggers and give it back to the adults. And Democrats had better learn how to do this political thing before these guys make the movie "Idiocracy" into a documentary
Now, he is part of the Texas Outlaw Writers, and if this doesn't pan out, the outlaw part will still work as he will indeed resort to robbing banks.