Operation Epstein Fury

“All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.” -Voltaire

Wow, what a scenario. Two diplomats were deep in negotiations with a perceived opponent to achieve peaceful relations in the region when their superiors staged a surprise attack on that opponent. We actually have photo of that moment...

No, wait. That's from the movie Tora, Tora, Tora. Sorry, my mistake. That's an actor playing US Secretary of State Cordell Hull with the Japanese Ambassador, of course proving the Mark Twain adage that history may not repeat itself, but it often rhymes.

This also proves Anton Chekhov's observation about theatre that if you hang a gun on the wall in Act 1, it will be used by Act 3.

Our guns on the wall are named the USS Abe Lincoln and USS Gerald Ford. And, by golly, Chekhov was right. But, hey, we have midterm elections in the Fall, and something has to be done, right, Mr. President?

There are so many curious things about this latest conflict that the future Nobel Peace Prize winner is conducting. My initial question is, why now? The US negotiators, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber were close to a breakthrough, or so everyone said, in the quest to keep Iran nuke-free. OK, they were both probably working on a side deal as well, but at this point, no one seems to care about your political servants enriching themselves, starting at the top.

But why now? I have to assume he was just tired of waiting. The Board of Peace landed with a thud, so much so that he fell asleep at the introductory meeting. So he was apparently bored with peace and launched the missiles. You hate to use the word capricious when it comes to killing people, but look at every other decision in the past year. After the interminable and astonishingly partisan State of the Union address, unlike any before, full of set-up lines and insults, I can frankly believe anything at this point.

OK, he gave out some much-deserved medals, and one iffy one to the hockey team goalie? But otherwise, it was a two-hour insult-fest against Democrats, Somalians, Latinos, and the Supreme Court.

But this capricious theory also discounts the influence of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Yes, our melancholy Bibi. OK, he's not in the Epstein files, that we know of, unlike that tramp Ehud Barak. But he has his own scandals to duck, and since Gaza is dying down, literally, he needs a new come-together moment. Who better than the nastiest crowd in the neighborhood, the Mullahs in Iran. And he knows that one phone call and the President will be on board.

Yeah, I know, Putin knows that, too. Which is why there was no mention of Ukraine in that State of the Union that made Gone With the Wind seem like a nominee for best short subject.

But, let's be honest. It's damned near impossible to gin up any sympathy for these berobed little Mussolinis who cloak their murderous actions in a dense layer of piety, so make no mistake, they are a bad lot. And if the Iranian public finds its collective backbone and reclaim their country, the world will probably be better off. But one caveat to them.

The son of the last Shah, Reza Pahlavi is making noises about coming back to the throne. You guys might want to skip the whole "Crown Prince" thing and ignore him like Andrew Mountbatton Windsor.

And the plan? You are adorable. What plan? Missiles are flying into Israel, The Emirates, Qatar and the Houthis are talking about more rockets into the Red Sea where, you know, the oil passes through. Prices will rise, costs of everything on a ship will rise, but that's a small price to pay for diversion from, well, you know who. The word is, even the Generals, including the head of the Joint Chiefs had a problem with this.

I have to ask, does the FIFA Peace Prize no longer mean anything?

So, we are at war with Iran, Like Trump warned in 2011, only with a different stupid President. You think of grand announcements like JFK in the Cuban Missile Crisis...

Or FDR asking for a declaration of war against Japan, which seems so quaint now...

And now the Trump announcement, wherein he corrects their mistakes in wearing neckties and no gimme cap...

The trucker hat also covers that elaborate combover visible from low earth orbit.

And, by the way, after making this announcement that we are at war, he seems to have put on a tie and gone to a big party at Mar-a-Lago.

This war will be expensive, kids will die, and there's no endgame. I'm as glad as anyone that these guys may well be gone, but the world is full of them, and this President seems to think that war is easy. When exactly did we become that country? When did Congress scotch tape a collective "kick me hard" sign to their backs?

And the Epstein files that involve Trump? Good luck finding them now that this dog is wagging so hard we need to call the SPCA. Why, Iran may retaliate by blowing up an FBI filing cabinet, or something.

And this will take some of the spotlight off the woman nominated to be the new Surgeon General, Casey Means, who quit medicine before she got her license and is now a member of one of those newly minted, unserious professions, a Health Influencer.

Her company sells glucose monitors, and she shares far too many wacky beliefs with our bizarre head of Health and Human Services, Robert Kennedy, Jr.

From CNN, which still does news for the time being...

At one point, she sparred with a senator over the benefits of flu vaccination, dodging repeated questions on whether she thinks it’s effective against hospitalization and death.

This from the Lancet, the British medical journal...

And one other item that may have escaped your notice. They are talking about putting a portion of Trump's asinine border wall right through Big Bend National and State Parks here in Texas. Like this...

On either side of this canyon is desert, both sides.

Frankly, if someone can make it through the desert, down one canyon wall, cross the river, up the other canyon wall and across the other desert, I don't want to deport him.

I want to hire him.