Texas Outlaw Writers Newsletter: Long Live the King Edition

Texas Outlaw Writers Newsletter: Long Live the King Edition

You didn't hear it from us, but there's a rumour going around that someone famous, a celebrity? a leader of some kind? passed away in London this week?

There was some angst among the Outlaw Writers: would anyone tackle the Queen...or rather, her funeral? One camp was all down-with-the-queen, that cold-hearted imperialist leader who benefited from the stolen resources of indentured colonies, etc etc etc. Other Outlaws wondered if we couldn't just be happy that a 73 old man will finally be getting a job. And besides, Corgis! My God, fellow writers, Corgis! A cacophony of Corgi stories! Add a few hundred of those guys in the red Q-Tip hats and some 21-gun salutes! Life's rich pageant!

More importantly, and honestly, we're burying the lede here as well as the Queen, it looks like Prince Harry and Prince William may reconcile... The world watches and waits! Funerals always bring families together. Now if the two princes will get their duchess gals to bring a green bean casserole and that potato salad that the Queen loved so much.

In other news, the DOJ and FPOTUS are shopping for a "Special Master." And now Capt. Chaos wants the DOJ to "split the cost" of the special master. How expensive can they be? Can't "special masters" be found pretty easily wearing kinky boots at some of those after-hours downtown clubs? So we've heard.

"Believe me, we're going to have the most special master, the best special master... you know a man came up to me and said, 'how is it that you always have the most special of special masters?' Well I've always been a master, a master of masters really. But the lying, crooked, pathetic DOJ? They want a phony, weak master. Oh a lot of people are saying this. People ask me all the time, 'why doesn't the DOJ want a master? Why is it that they want a low servant and not a master? I dunno folks, it's sad, very sad. Pathetic. This is what I'm hearing..."

Gov. Greg Abbott continues shipping immigrants to cities in the Northeast, specifically "blue" cities that are critical of harsh immigration policies. "To continue providing much-needed relief to our small, overrun border towns, Chicago will join fellow sanctuary cities Washington, D.C. and New York City as an additional drop-off location. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot loves to tout the responsibility of her city to welcome all regardless of legal status, and I look forward to seeing this responsibility in action as these migrants receive resources from a sanctuary city with the capacity to serve them." Shipping immigrants around the country and dumping them off as an act of political vengeance is pretty foul.

But let's be honest, as far as political stunts go, it's a pretty good one. All of the immigrants board these buses voluntarily... they are processed and are awaiting their date before an immigration judge. They get a free ride to another part of the country away from the concentrations of Border Patrol and ICE. Many have left the buses at various points along the journey.

If these blue mayors were halfway clever, they wouldn't allow those buses to return to Texas empty. How about Mayor Lightfoot shipping a few hundred Chicagoans from the South Side back down to Texas? Specifically, some of those Chicagoans that are looking for better economic opportunities? I bet Mayor Adams can find a thousand or so New Yorkers with (legal) immigrant roots looking for some of that "Texas Miracle." Let them take that Greyhound bound for Austin with a drop-off point somewhere near the governor's mansion? Might put a stop to Abbott's little political game.

Stayed in a hotel lately? Even one of them fancy places with the mints on the pillow? If you have, chances are that housekeeping didn't stop by to make your bed in the morning or turn down your sheets in the evening. "Management" explains that there are still Covid staffing issues, "we're doing the best we can under the circumstances." Lucky for you, the room rate is the same or slightly higher, even with the absence of the amenities that made staying in a hotel something special.

Back several years ago, a restaurant opened up in this area that was named something to the effect of "Now You're Cookin'!" The "concept" was that you order your entree, and then you'd cook your own chicken/steak/kebob on a big open grill in the middle of the dining room. (Rare? Well done? 'Sup to you!) Help yourself to the salad and potato bar. Seemed clever and it was certainly unique. Truth be told, it was fun for a night out with a group of friends... However, a local columnist wrote a review about the place that was titled something to the effect of "Now You're Doing the Dishes!" suggesting that um, isn't the whole point of going out to a restaurant that someone else does the cooking? (And dishwashing, and salad making...) It was funny, on point, and as a result, we switched over to one of those old-fashioned "Hey Now THEY'RE Cooking" joints.

But it seems that these days, Now You're Bussin' Tables! Now You're Cleaning Hotel Rooms! Now You're Assembling Furniture! is the rule, not the exception.

When you find yourself elbow deep in the back of your computer, or you've reset your modem for the n-th time... you realize that "customer service" means that you, the customer, will be providing your own service. From the self-serve checkout line, the assemble-it-yourself products you buy, and the fix-it-cause-it-ain't-workin'... Myra Jolivet is not a TV repair person. She doesn't particularly like pumping gas. And I really don't think she's going to be shopping at Ikea anytime soon.

Customer Service is Really DIY | Texas Outlaw Writers
I’m particularly amused by the bot with the guy-next-door voice who says, “And you can talk to me in regular sentences.” Sure thing. Here goes: “Why the f….k can’t I speak to someone who is paid to help me?” Response: “I don’t understand your question, can you try again please.” Point made.

Beyond the spectacle of "Special Masters," the minions of the Mango Mussolini keep multiplying. It appears that a passel of Secretaries of State is ready to throw state elections into disarray. The midterms are chock full o' GOP candidates running on "The Election was Stolen" platform. A Congressman from Texas just awarded a US flag that had been flown over the Capitol to a January 6 insurrectionist upon her release from prison.

"Idiocracy" is a very funny movie and more and more it becomes our reality. For example, Roger Gray found (to his dismay) that it is also the latest trend in law enforcement for a fringe element of sheriffs around the country. And the Head Loon in Charge (or HLIC,) is connected to some truly dangerous folks.

“You’d Do It For Randolph Scott” | Texas Outlaw Writers
How many sheriffs around the country belong to the lawmen’s version of the Oath Keepers? One number floated around is 4500 dues-paying members, out of 3006 counties in the US. Given that the Oath Keepers began in Granbury, I think we can assume there are quite a few in our fair state.

A little bit of internal news for our readers and subscribers. We're starting to dip our toes into podcasting. In our next story, James Moore includes an audio version of his feature. (It's also the second story this week to feature a reference to Randolf Scott.) We are still feeling our way into this newfangled technology (!) and will be starting to include some audio "reads" of our pieces, some interviews, and full panel discussions with each other and with special guests.

By the way, a couple of other minor changes and additions. We've added a Tip Jar button in some of our stories and in the newsletter. If you're not a paying subscriber but something catches your eye, throw us a cuppa Joe or better yet, a tasty adult beverage! Click the Tip Jar button and help support our efforts, if you can. We are also going to make improvements in our comments section and streamline our "search" function.

As always, we extend thanks to all of our readers for their support.

For today, the audio version of James's story can be found at the top of the post. You'll find an audio timeline with a play button... pretty simple. It's the perfect opportunity to get us going with podcasting. (Baby steps!)

Sunday was the 21st anniversary of the terrorist attacks on 9/11. It was a tragedy that multiplied itself by giving us two wars in the Middle East - Afghanistan and a bonus war in Iraq. Though 15 of the 19 Arab hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, the US would invade Afghanistan less than a month after the Twin Towers collapsed. We would later invade Iraq under the political lie that Saddam Hussein had "weapons of mass destruction." In what would be a terribly botched and bloody withdrawal, the last military plane left Afghanistan at the end of August of this year. Within hours, the Taliban - the militant religious/political movement that the US considered ultimately responsible for the Sept. 11 attacks - would reclaim total control of the country.

The Afghan war would be the United States' longest war, outlasting the 20 years we spent in VietNam by about 6 months.

We keep hearing about war. Ukraine and Russia. The threat of nukes. Why was the US so long in Afghanistan? It seems ever present in the activities of humans. But why? Jim Moore writes (and reads) this week about how war has always seemed inescapable in American life, and especially for his friends.

The Wounds of War | Texas Outlaw Writers
I did not want to live in Canada because it was colder than Michigan, but I figured it was much better than dying in the jungles of VietNam for no apparent reason. With my low draft number, I was certain to be inducted and sent to basic and on to Southeast Asia.