Fill 'Er up! No, Wait...

“Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.”
― Kin Hubbard

This week, let me start with a big domestic development that begins with a question.

Markwayne Mullin? Really?

OK, first things first. The name. Either be Mark or be Wayne, but Markwayne makes you sound like John-Boy's brother on The Waltons. As a southerner, I can say it is one of those silly, Dixie nicknames like Bettysue or Bobbyjoe. It's like the diminutive stuff such as a grown man being called Johnnie or Billy. As much as I admired him, Jimmy Carter should have, around college, become Jim or James.

Not only that, Mullin of Oklahoma is one of the dumbest and shortest members of the so-called "greatest deliberative body in the world."

But now, President Trump has named the diminutive legislator from where the wind comes sweeping down the plains, as the new Secretary of Homeland Security, replacing spokesmodel Kristi Noem.

And whoever is President and whoever we are fighting, he is for it. From the Daily Beast...

On Tuesday, the senator from Oklahoma appeared on Fox News, where he tried to lionize Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s warfighting experience, but accidentally went too far, twice calling him the president.

“And fortunately, you have President Hegseth—or I say President Hegseth—Secretary Hegseth, that has got a great relationship with President Trump, and President Hegseth’s been there,” he fumbled. “He’s done that.”

On Monday, he found himself in another mix-up, when he appeared on Fox Business to talk up the war, but forgot which nation the U.S. is claiming it’s liberating.

“It’s up to the Iraqi people or, I’m sorry, the Iranian people to choose their next go—their next leader,” he said. “It’s up to them to rise up and kick this regime out of place. If they do not, then they will be with a different leader, but the same regime.”

Or something like that. And of course he said that in front of the Almighty and everyone, along with...

• "What was we ranked...": During a June 2025 hearing, while questioning a witness about education rankings, he was noted for the phrase "What was we ranked nationally?".
• "Two consenting adults": In 2023, he challenged Teamsters President Sean O'Brien to a physical fight during a committee hearing, telling him, "We can be two consenting adults. We can finish it here".
• "I don't want reality": In a 2023 hearing regarding children's books on race, he made a comment that was reported as "I don't want reality," which drew laughter.

And he is a former Mixed Martial Arts fighter, so he may be on the card for the big UFC fight on the White House lawn. Yes, I can't believe I just typed those words myself. But then again, nothing says Happy Birthday America like a cage ring set up in front of the executive mansion with a couple of guys kicking the snot out of each other.

For example, here is Mullin during the January 6th riot at the capitol, demonstrating the "duck and cover" offensive move...

But let's be honest. He can't do any worse than his predecessor, and hasn't shot any dogs that we know of. Add to that, it gives Oklahoma a chance to reconsider its life choices.

Meanwhile, since the Board of Peace is going so well, President Trump has set up something called the Shield of the Americas to enforce the Monroe doctrine in a way James Monroe never envisioned. And Kristi is some sort of envoy to it, primarily to keep her off "60 Minutes" where she might angrily spill her guts.

At the first meeting with primarily Latin American leaders, Trump said Marco Rubio speaks Spanish so, "I'm not going to learn your damned language!" So naturally, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth followed that insulting remark with, "And I only speak American!" And of course, if you are trying to win over Latin American leaders, and the 14% of Americans who speak Spanish, this bit of inane twaddle is just the ticket.

And while we're dawdling in the Western Hemisphere, Trump also called Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney "Governor" again. Why? Because it's so damned funny. Sheesh, why are Canadians so touchy about their, you know, sovereignty and stuff?

Speaking of the seemingly perpetually angry Secretary Hegseth, the Pentagon finished the year in style. Along with lots of furniture purchased, the watchdog group Open the Books found that...

The Pentagon spent $2 million on Alaskan king crab in September. It’s the fifth time the Pentagon under Donald Trump has spent $2 million or more on king crab in a single month: twice during his first term and three times in 2025.

The military also bought $6.9 million worth of lobster tail this September. Again, it was not an isolated incident; it’s been a theme of Hegseth’s spending so far.

In 2025, the DoD spent more than $7.4 million on lobster tail in four separate months: March, May, June and October. That had previously only happened once in history (October 2024).

September 2025 also saw the Pentagon purchase:

$15.1 million of ribeye steak

$1 million of salmon

272 orders of doughnuts for $139,224

$124,000 for ice cream machines

$26,000 for sushi preparation tables

Friends, who among us hasn't planned a major military operation without an ample supply of sushi? I mean, we're not savages here.

Oh, and the war itself? $11.4 billion in the first week, they say. We have depleted stocks of exotic weaponry to bomb and also knock down relatively cheap drones. Drones are obviously the wave of the future in warfare, as proved here and in Ukraine. That is, of course, why Don Jr. and Eric Trump have now invested in two drone manufacturing companies.

And, tax cuts from the first Trump administration that were renewed in the childishly named "Big Beautiful Bill" last year, will grow the deficit like kudzu. We generally think about the national debt in terms of how it compares to our national income, the Gross Domestic Profit.

Trigger Warning: There are a bunch of numbers coming up. Eyes glazing over is a definite risk.

In 2001 after the budget was balanced under Bill Clinton, the national debt was about 30% of our GDP. Think of your monthly household budget with 30% of your income going to mortgage, car, food, etc.

But then you put on a red baseball cap, and apparently think your have sold the family cow for magic beans that grow a money tree in the back yard. By 2020, when Covid was exerting a death grip on the economy, we were racking up debt to the tune of 98% of our national income. The record for debt to GDP was in 1946 at the end of World War II, you know, the biggest conflict ever.

To free the world cost us 106% of our GDP, which we whittled down to 23% by 1974. How? Because we had leaders who cared about economy stuff.

But our Big Beautiful Debt is growing again and will hit 100% of our income by next year, and surpass WWII to reach 120% by 2036.

If you are spending 120% of your personal income, you are also trying to ignore the collection agency currently knocking on your door.

Finally this week, the President was seemingly tired of the footwear he was seeing on his cabinet members, and ordered them all a new pair of Florsheims. And in keeping with his almost miraculous abilities, he simply guessed their sizes. In the case of Secretary of State Rubio and VP Vance, he obviously was right on the money.

Whoever is elected in 2028, they have some big shoes to fill.

I'm sorry. I'll see myself out.