Texas Outlaw Writers Newsletter: It's Turkeys All the Way Down Edition

Texas Outlaw Writers Newsletter: It's Turkeys All the Way Down Edition
Photo by Viktor Talashuk on Unsplash

Some days, you say to yourself, "Aw, Stuff it." Well my Outlaw friend, today is probably that day. (If not today, then get up early tomorrow and stuff it, and then shove it. Just get that bird into the oven.) In other words, Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

During your breaks from stuffing it, shoving it, and baking it, we've got plenty of reading material for you.

But let's reflect for a moment on things that we're thankful for.

Are you one of those households that hold hands around the table and proclaim what they're thankful for? You know how that goes... the person (usually dad) that starts this little exercise in anxiety has a nice little tribute prepared... striking the correct tone of understated selflessness coated with just the right virtue signal veneer. And they pass it around to the rest of the family, every one of whom is nervous, caught off guard, and stuck for words.

"... and so, those are the things I'm so very Thankful for. Now, who's next? No one? How about you Khaleesi?"
"Uh, Gee. I dunno. Uh, I'm just glad we could all be here, together, I guess."
"Uh, yeah, me too. I'm glad we could all be here this year. Together, I mean."
"But what else? What else are you thankful for? Cousin Finley? What are YOU thankful for?"
"Um. I dunno. I guess I'm glad we could all be here, together."
(People are staring at their feet. The young ones are shuffling in that 'I have to pee/let go of me' dance. The old ones are shuffling in that 'I have to pee/let go of me' dance, also. Everyone is silently praying that well-known Thanksgiving prayer, "Please God, can we just EAT?"
"Well, aren't there some other things that we can be thankful for?"
"I'm glad that the EU, the World Bank, and our government continue to fund the Ukrainians in their war against Russia. I'm thankful that Ukraine has held out as well as they have in the Donbas region, but I worry that a harsh winter will weaken the will of those committed fighters. I'm thankful that the Iranian drones supplied to the Russians have not been as effective as..."
"Wow, thanks Uncle Dan. Very specific. Anyone else...?"
"Yeah I'm just gawd-damned thankful that Trump is running for president again and..."
"Uh, fine, uh, Amen. Let's eat, everyone!"

By the way, Do you know what the Outlaw Writers are thankful for?

We're thankful that we could all be here together.

No, seriously! We're extremely glad to have you as our readers and supporters. Means the world to us. Thanks for taking the time to be a part of our little online magazine project here. We really appreciate it. And for those that have supported us financially? An extra big holiday hug!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

and now, it's turkeys all the way down...

The turkeys are getting organized! Myra Jolivet has a great piece on turkey attacks. They're mad, and they're not taking it anymore. These roving turkey gangs (and a few solo-psycho birds,) are wreaking havoc all over the country. We don't want to be alarmist... but maybe tell the relatives that it's too dangerous to get out this Thursday! (Or at least the one with the "rolling coal" pickup truck adorned with the Confederate flag.)

Turkeys Gone Wild! | Texas Outlaw Writers
Time for a turkey tale and this one has it all: protagonists, antagonists, laughter, sorrow, and death. A tale of revenge or horrible misunderstanding? Wild turkey season opened in Texas this month, the turkeys seem to be the ones doing the hunting in other states. Turkeys don’t mess with Texas…

Roger Gray missed out on our post-election pile-on so he's making up for it now. Let's face it. Any week that begins with Donald Trump boring even his own acolytes and ends with Ted Cruz uttering the phrase, "Hot diggity damn" is a week ripe with possibilities.  

OK, It’s Official. We’re Screwed | Texas Outlaw Writers
Trump, Musk, Kim and Cruz. What a depressing week.

A magnitude 5.4 earthquake struck W. Texas this week, with the epicenter somewhere between El Paso and Odessa. Now, most folks would immediately suspect that there would be some blame to be placed on oil and gas fracking going on in the area. But most folks aren't really thinking clearly. Because clearly, we need to consider Graboids. Bet you didn't even consider Graboids. No. No you didn't. But DeeceX did.

Tremors! | Texas Outlaw Writers
Is it even possible that the Railroad Commission — lapdog of the oil and gas industry — would examine fracking as the cause of increased seismic activity in the Permian Basin?

Jim Moore also has some more to say about the midterms now that the initial shock has worn off. Sure, there are still some "We Only Lost the House by a Little Bit" parties going on, but Jim points out that it's not going to be all fun and games for Dems. He suggests that we buckle up for two solid years of Hunter Biden's laptop. On the other hand, it might be interesting to watch the GOP run around the Capitol rotunda like a bunch of chimpanzees throwing poo at each other. Just give Jim Jordan time to remove his jacket and roll up his sleeves.  

The Saga of Jim Jordan’s Jacket
The newly elected GOP House wants to make the next two years miserable for the president and Dems, and the rest of us who must sit and act as the background chorus in a Greek tragedy.

To the mailbag! Or the mailbox! Or... has anything come through that mail slot lately? Wait... there are a couple of postcards in between the AARP flyers. And DeeceX is here, right here to answer your most pressing questions! It's a segment we like to call, DeeceX Answers Your Questions. Damn clever if you ask me.

DeeceX Answers Your Questions | Texas Outlaw Writers
In which your Humble Correspondent ventures to answer the most profound and troubling questions of our times. Or your questions, whichever is easier.

HOUSEKEEPING NOTE: Due to the Thanksgiving holiday, we will NOT have our regular podcast this week. The Outlaws ride like the wind to get them some turkey. Or Wild Turkey. If you haven't, subscribe to our podcast on your favorite podcasting service!

And have a great Thanksgiving weekend!