the death of his first dog
It would be he and Fi. And they fell in love with each other. So did everyone else.
“It’s a little bit of everything
It's the mountains, it's the fog
It's the news at six o'clock
It's the death of my first dog
It's the angels up above me
It's the song that they don't sing
It's a little bit of еverything"
-Dawes
The boy had just graduated from UT Austin. He and his first real girlfriend had decided to head out to L.A. and share a cheap apartment (if they could find one). See what the Left Coast had to offer - enjoy the sun, the surf, and all the groovy people. Maybe find a job, start a whole new life.
A couple of weeks before they left, the girlfriend’s dad gave the boy a pretty special gift. A puppy. A puppy that he had taken in from the street, one that had been playfully running around the neighborhood. Cute dog, enjoyed getting pets, had lots of licks for everyone. They called her Fiona, sometimes Fi-fi.
Though my advice was not sought out, I politely suggested that he reject the gift. He was starting his life - a life unknown with many adventures ahead of him. Adventures with friends. Travel, (often cross-country travel). And unknown career opportunities with unknown schedules.
My advice was politely heard, and politely ignored.
Dads. sheesh.
Cute pup. Sweet dog. With piercing eyes that sort of looked all the way through you with a 1000-yard stare. Melted your heart, she did. Had an odd habit of chasing her tail in mad, spinning circles, then almost passing out.
The spinning seemed to be random and uncontrolled. The boy took her to the vet after realizing her behavior might be a little seizure of some kind. The vet confirmed that it seemed that way, but had no answer as to the cause. Offered some meds, not cheap, to try and control the little spinning fits. It took a while to find the right drug and dosage that were helpful. The boy got busy researching what might be the cause, since the Fi-fi seemed otherwise a happy, healthy critter. Even called up Texas A&M to get an opinion. He finally ran across some articles on canine distemper, a virus that can attack the gastrointestinal system and/or the nervous system of dogs. It's an airborne virus and highly contagious. It's why vets recommend that puppies stay isolated from other dogs until they can get their first series of vaccinations. Her "street" history could have easily exposed her. All the symptoms and odd behaviors fit. Meds would need to be administered regularly. Diet would have to be monitored.
So the boy was starting out his adult life with a special-needs dog. And he would do it alone. Within a couple of months, rent would be his full responsibility, as his girl decided suddenly that he, LA, and Fiona were not what she was looking for.
It would be he and Fi. And they fell in love with each other. My son (aka 'the boy' or Gage) is a musician and started out his young career pulling overnight shifts at one of LA's famed recording studios... as a gopher (a concierge, a valet, a janitor). It wasn't long before he worked his way up to engineering recording sessions and writing with well-known musicians. The studio would close down after the pandemic; by then, he had fashioned a home recording studio. Fiona was always supportive. Always up for an after-work walk on the beach or a weekend camping trip. Always up for kisses. And incredibly, always up for listening to the boy play guitar or piano, resting her head right by the instrument, or curling up by a speaker. She was his biggest fan, and he, hers.
Fiona was by far the weirdest and funniest animal I have ever had the pleasure of knowing on this planet. I was genuinely in awe of how much originality and authenticity she had... I felt like everybody else got normal boring dogs that do normal boring dog things but I got the special one. The one that makes alien sounds when she chews on her bone, runs into walls daily, and exclusively (and aggressively) licks people’s earholes, nipples, and armpits. She thought I was cool enough, but who she really loved was everyone else. Every friend, lover, family member, and stranger was the ultimate highlight of her day. She brought an unprecedented amount of joy and laughter to everyone. Sharing her quirkiness and silliness with others brought forth some of the happiest moments and memories of my life. -Gage, Instagram post
His friends, roommates, and later, clients loved her. This sweet creature that gave and accepted unlimited affection. But yeah, those warnings dad offered were sometimes a thing. Dogsitters and dogwalkers had to be found when work hours went into overtime, or there was an out-of-town trip with friends. And what to do about flying home for the holidays or parental visits?
He schemed to register her as an "emotional support dog." (It IS California, after all.) So his plan was to take her on plane flights with him. 3 ½ hour+ cross-country plane flights. A special needs pup that still might chase her tail wildly. That was not really trained to sit/stay/heal. That sometimes had digestive issues.
I politely suggested that he not go through with this. I politely reviewed the risks, as well as the, uh, dishonesty in her classification. I politely asked him to imagine what would happen if she had, well, a freak-out of some kind at 30,000 feet. In my anxious and worried mind, I imagined a howling dog disrupting an entire cabin, having a gastrointestinal explosion, an emergency landing somewhere west of El Paso and the FAA hauling them both away in hand (paw) cuffs.
I was politely heard. And I was politely ignored. And the missus suggested that I butt out and not threaten a chance for the boy and his pup to make a visit home.
Fiona walked confidently aboard a packed Southwest flight, crawled under the boy's seat, curled up and slept for 3½ hours. She repeated this trick on the return flight.
Do dads have any sense at all?
And so it went. Fi-fi became even more lovable. All phone calls and most texts with the boy included an inquiry into the favorite grand-dog. She became quite the frequent flyer until the airlines decided they would close the emotional support animal loophole. (A few rabbits, pigs, and even a peacock probably quashed that policy.) We followed Instagram updates complete with video clips.
Still, life with Fiona could be a challenge. Dog sitters are not cheap in La-la land. Health concerns popped up - regularly. The boy found a sympathetic vet who helped him balance and rebalance Fi's meds. One of his roommates could usually be counted on if he couldn't get home from work in time to let her out or feed her. Even through flare-ups in her health problems, she put on a brave face, and gratefully nuzzled and licked all those who cared for her.
You know where this is going. And many have suffered through the experience. The updates on her health became a bit more dire over time. Refusing to eat, lethargy, blood tests showing kidney problems... Until the tearful call this last week with the news that the vet said that this or that remedy could be tried, but it would only buy her a month or a few weeks. Her kidneys were almost gone.
Or there was a final alternative.
Most of us have had to make this decision. It's the hardest and most gut-wrenching decision to be made in a pet owner's life.
There's only one decision that's harder. Hearing your kid make that decision for the first time, through layers of grief that you forgot even existed.
It will break you.
In places that you thought were armour-plated. It will break you.
This is your chance to remind me, again, that yes, most folks HAVE gone through this. It's painful, yes, but there are other, even more horrible things going on right now. We have a war being fought in our name. There are domestic terror incidents almost daily. There is random violence, financial instability, and people who can't get healthcare. We live in some of the most turbulent times in our nation's history, under the most dysfunctional, incompetent leadership this country has ever seen.
And there's the point. When you find one, single wellspring of love that can take you away from this current climate of cruelty, fear, uncertainty, and insecurity, you cling to it desperately. And you cry that much harder when it's gone.
Every friend, lover, family member, and stranger was the ultimate highlight of her day. She brought an unprecedented amount of joy and laughter to everyone. Sharing her quirkiness and silliness with others brought forth some of the happiest moments and memories of my life.
-from Gage's Instagram post
I was right. 100% right. Having a dog when you're starting out in life is tough. A special needs pet is a crazy amount of work that can interfere with schedules, social life, a career path, and travel plans. I was 100% right that he shouldn't register her as a support animal, especially when she was the one that needed support and care.
I was 100% right.
And 1000% wrong.
To watch your kid grow into that kind of maturity with that depth of love and care for this simple, sweet critter is beyond poignant. Unconditional love always is.
"Lately I’ve been so wrapped up in making music and trying to make a buck and I forgot for a second that the only thing that matters is love. Thank you for that last reminder Fi, I love you and miss you so much." -Gage on Instagram (@songsbygage)
We're all going to miss her.
