Shittz and Giggles
The absurdity of it all jumps in front of you, and you have to laugh just to keep from committing a violent crime.
It's tough, really tough to find anything to laugh at these days. Irony is dead and satire comes to life like some kind of demonic fairy tale. Still, the absurdity of it all jumps in front of you, and you have to laugh just to keep from committing a violent crime.
So I've tried to find a couple giggles, in between all the shittz to report.
Like how we deported a jewel thief, 'cause, you know, dark skin.
Giggles: We're deporting the criminals, along with their secrets.
Brittny Mejia
Jeson Nelon Presilla Flores and a handful of other bad hombres stuck up a Brinks big rig truck at a roadside stop way back in '22. The brazen heist netted the crew about 100 mil worth of diamonds, rubies, emeralds, gold, and luxury watches. It was the largest jewelry heist in U.S. history. The mother lode. We're talking major motion picture, here.
Flores, (note the Hispanic last name,) was a legal permanent resident, albeit one with a criminal history, including this whopper. He pled not guilty, and the judge ordered him released on a 65K bond. Instead, ICE grabbed him, and within a couple of months, he was offered the usual "deal." Stay in the US and risk being deported even after serving a lengthy prison sentence, or “functionally self-deport, and avoid criminal exposure.”
Kinda like that old Eddie Izzard "Cake or Death" standup routine. What's it gonna be? Cake? Or DEATH? (Prison? or a free coach-class ticket to Ecuador on Noem Airways?)
"Ecuador, please. And can I get a window seat?"
Remember, ICE and the Federal Prosecutors that brought charges are supposed to be on the same team. They had no idea that ICE would give him the same deal that was usually offered to petty criminals. And now his defense attorney wants the case dismissed with prejudice - meaning, if he sneaks back here to spend some money or dig up a buried treasure chest, he cannot be prosecuted for this crime.
Over a dozen jewelers had their wares on that truck. Needless to say, they're livid. No suspect in jail, no trial, and no punishment. And no jewelry.
Most of it has not been recovered, and now, it probably never will be.
I wonder who's got the movie rights?
If you're in Ecuador in the near future, look up Jeson. Ask him to buy a round.
Shitzz: Greg Abbott goes after HB1 Visa holders - because... what, cancer researchers are a threat?
In the latest round of "I'm more xenophobic than you and I can prove it," Greg "Mas Muy Macho" Abbott sets out to throw some teachers, researchers, doctors, and engineers off the HBI Visa bus.
Abbott has ordered state agencies and public universities to pause new H-1B visa petitions until May 31, 2027, affecting institutions overseen by gubernatorial appointees. Texas employs tens of thousands of H-1B workers. This directive comes amidst Trump's efforts to remake the nation's visa programs.
Critics allege that H-1B visas undercut American workers by allowing employers to hire foreign labor at lower wages, while supporters argue the program is essential for filling specialized roles and sustaining innovation in fields like science, medicine, and technology. Private employers are not included in this order, but the message is clear. "Fer'ners Need Not Apply."
Keep in mind, those 'public institutions' include many of Texas's finest hospitals, research institutes, and medical schools. You've read about doctor shortages? How we're not churning out enough physicians, scientists, and engineers? Things just got worse. From the Houston Chronicle:
Each year, there are more than 10 million outpatient visits to medical facilities in the University of Texas System alone. Texas patients spend more than 2 million nights per year in this system’s hospitals. Covered by the ban is Houston’s prestigious University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center, which provides exceptional care to patients from across the country. Prohibiting Texas’s public hospitals, medical schools, and research institutes from sponsoring H-1B visas will undercut their ability to attract top scientists, researchers, and physicians. Some international candidates may find other visa routes. But many will simply choose other states to conduct their research or treat patients.
In six years of data obtained from the Department of Homeland Security by my colleagues at the Institute for Progress, Texas hospitals sponsored more than 500 Ph.D. students using H-1B visas. Many are professors who perform clinical work alongside teaching and research duties. Others are postdoctoral researchers or scientists doing groundbreaking research.
You know anyone with cancer? You do. You know patients whose lives have been saved or extended by being treated there. And you know that MD Anderson is world-renowned for that care and the research that produces that care. Patients come from around the world for treatment, and doctors from around the world compete to work and do research there. The rest of the UT Medical system is similarly respected.
The Texas Tribune adds that:
Abbott also asked for documentation showing employers made an effort to give "qualified Texans candidates with reasonable opportunity to apply" for positions filled by H-1B visa holders. "State government must lead by example and ensure that employment opportunities - particularly those funded with taxpayer dollars - are filled by Texans first," Abbott wrote in his letter.
Cancer research (all kinds of biomedical research, actually) may suffer, or even be lost. Staffing shortages will worsen. US patients will further lose access to care. Medical costs will continue to rise due to scarcity. Our status as a state leading the country in discovery and technological advancement will decline. The country will follow.
Because...? Because some rich, wealthy donor didn't like the Dr. he was referred to with a funny accent? Because the MAGA class is angry that their 20-something (maybe 30-something) kid in the basement can't find a job, and just maybe if HB-1s are broken apart, he can finally get that neuro-oncology position that he has been applying for?
Making everything worse (it's his M.O.) King Trump is imposing a $100K annual H-1B visa fee on highly skilled workers (this is being challenged in court).
There is no dispute, btw, that large IT companies were only too happy to outsource programmers and coders to cheaper foreign talent, misusing the intent of the HB1. This kind of abuse is easily rectified with common-sense immigration reform. Republicans, long ago, used to advocate for such (shout out to George W.!) before they realized that ANY immigration was a losing issue with their racist, rabid base.
You know who did get an HB-1? Melania. For her, uh, <checks notes> "modeling ability." That was before she got her EB-1A "Einstein" Visa (oh yes, it was) for her "specialized occupation" of fashion modeling. Somehow, she met the criteria of "extraordinary ability" for that one. The jokes write themselves, don't they?
Certainly, she is doing the work that Americans are unwilling to do. Speaking of Trump screwing everyone, Trump somehow continues to use the Visa system to hire help at Mar-a-lago. Oh, I can see the look of surprise on your face!
The US was a beacon in advanced science and technology. The actual Einstein was an immigrant escaping a fascist regime (along with several top rocket scientists who came along after the war, although that issue is complicated).
We've done OK by smart immigrants. But if we are hostile to them, China and other countries are glad to provide nice homes for geniuses with funny accents.
Gigglezz. Sort of. The rise and fall of "Anti-Woke" Universities
You probably saw the "60 Minutes" piece on the University of Austin (UATX) on 60 Minutes. The school is only blocks away from the iconic University of Texas AT Austin, recently given the honor by Forbes Magazine of being in the 'new Ivies' class of universities. The newly formed UATX was founded as an explicitly “anti-woke” alternative to elite higher education, promising free expression, open inquiry, and resistance to ideological conformity. It refers to itself as the "Anti-Harvard." So much for ivy-covered walls.
Founded by (anti-journalist?) Bari Weiss and a who's-who of conservative billionaires, you won't be stunned to hear that the rodents are already jumping ship. Weiss is a former editorial writer for The Wall Street Journal and the New York Times who later created the polemic news site The Free Press. A site that channels the ghost of Rush Limbaugh. Weiss is known for her relatively conservative views, to put it mildly.
Last fall, CBS and its parent Paramount were bought by Skydance chief David Ellison, his billionaire dad Larry Ellison, and their partners at RedBird Capital. Ellison brought along Weiss to the tune of 150 million (this included her right-wing website). Since CBS (along with all the mainstream and cable networks) continues a long, slow decline in revenue while costs continue to rise) they are all ready to take the media rightward, ever rightward.
Weiss is already under fire there, too, for spiking stories that she didn't feel presented the Trump administration in a better light. Only this last week, she came under pressure to fire a "wellness guru" that she hired to be a commentator who was found mired in the Epstein scandal.
(I touched on Bari Weiss and the turmoil at CBS in an earlier piece, here.)
150 million.
Along with mangling the press, Weiss is set to similarly "disrupt" education, and specifically higher education.
Weiss used what was once a flagship product at CBS to promote her Anti-Woke college. Already things are souring, everywhere.
There were actual centrist professors who were part of the initial lineup. Folks like psychologist and author Steven Pinker, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, and former ACLU president Nadine Strossen. They've flown the coop, now. About half of the original advisors, professors, and staff are gone.
It was established with much fanfare to be a university “dedicated to free speech,” “an education rooted in the pursuit of truth,” and to “prepare a new generation of leaders to think for themselves about all sides of an issue, speak truth to power, and take power back from ideologues.”
If you're like me, you hear all that jingoism these days, it's like reading Fox News famous tagline, "Fair and Balanced." You know that you're about to witness a real MAGA mellee of madness. And it didn't take long.
Science went out the window on the wings of angels, almost literally, as some form of Creationism overtook that part of the 'curriculum.' Peter Thiel (a major donor) has already delivered a series of lectures on the Antichrist.
Joe Lonsdale, a billionaire entrepreneur who co-founded the monster data analytics company Palantir Technologies (along with Peter Thiel) is a billionaire founder and Chairman of the school. Suddenly, last Spring, he drew the proverbial Texas line in the sand. In a hastily called meeting, he informed staff and faculty of UATX "they must subscribe to the four principles of anti-communism, anti-socialism, identity politics, and anti-Islamism." And that Joe himself would stay on the board for 50 years to make sure that no communists took over UATX! He added that if anyone wasn't comfortable with his message, they should quit.
Unlike the defenders of the Alamo, they tossed him their key fobs and fled. I mean, the Commies are coming, the Commies are coming!
Doesn't that sound like some of the dialogue in Kubrick's famous "Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"?
If you think that the UATX had it coming, or is just an isolated case... that whirlwind of liberal politics, Texas A&M is having its own internal struggles. It's also drawn the ire of politicians, donors, and alumni. You don't discuss A&M in any light without the word "tradition" making its way into the conversation. Texas Monthly Reports that:
The school is on its fifth president in five years and appears ungovernable to both insiders and external observers. “The mood right now is by far the worst I’ve seen, the worst in two decades,” said Professor Dale Rice, who served as the speaker of the faculty senate before the Legislature disbanded it in the 2025 session. Our state has long been able to boast of having not one but two extraordinarily successful university systems, but Rice told me that what is happening at A&M creates a risk that Texas “will not have them two decades from now.”
A&M has always struggled with change. With any disruption of 'tradition.' When their beloved and massive bonfire killed about a dozen students as they raised logs the size of telephone poles, the decision to cancel bonfire permanently sent the school into turmoil that is still a bone of contention. There has been outrage over the years about integration (1963), requiring the students to join the Corps of Cadets (ended in 1965), allowing female students not related to faculty to enroll (1969), allowing LGBT student groups on campus (1984.)
Check out the Texas Monthly piece on A&M's struggles to unwokeify. The UT/A&M football matchup pales in comparison to this conflict. And Politico has the best reporting on the University of Austin at Texas.
UATX defined itself as a bulwark against ideologues... they raised the flags of free speech, open intellectual debate, and resistance to political conformity. And now, the billionaire donors are going to have their say, and ultimately, their way. My way, or the highway. And "My Way" is not just Sinatra's greatest hit; it is ugly politicization, orthodoxy, and a fear of dissent. They are, it seems, not an isolated case. Coming to a university near you.
But at least we're gonna keep those Commies at bay.
A Couple Mo' Gigglez: Trump Attends Annual Prayer Breakfast, Lightning Strike Narrowly Averted
Last week, Trump attended the National Prayer Breakfast, and seemed to tease Speaker of the House Mike Johnson.
“You know, Mike Johnson is a very religious person, and he does not hide it. He’ll say to me sometimes at lunch, ‘Sir, may we pray?’
“I say, ‘Excuse me? We’re having lunch. You know—It’s ok with me. But he’s a very religious person, and he is popular, and he is doing an unbelievable job, so I think God is watching over you... God is watching over him! I don’t know about me! So I hang around with him so I feel I’m protected a little bit!”
There was, as they say, a smattering of applause. Nothing like mocking a prayor at a prayer breakfast.
Late night hosts had a field day. (As transcribed by the Times...)
“Since Trump retook office, for a lot of us, every breakfast is a prayer breakfast, but this was the official one.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“During his remarks this morning at the National Prayer Breakfast, President Trump said that he has done a lot for religion and added, ‘Religion is back, now hotter than ever before.’ Well, he definitely has a lot more people saying ‘Jesus Christ.’” — SETH MEYERS
“It was the MAGA Teresa’s sixth appearance at the event and he gave quite a performance. This headline sums it up pretty well: ‘Trump Gives Remarks at National Prayer Breakfast, Calls GOP Member a Moron’ — just as Jesus would do.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“President Trump also said this morning that he bombed ISIS fighters on Christmas Day. It’s the worst birthday present Jesus has gotten since the frankincense.” — SETH MEYERS
“Scammy Faye Bakker delivered a beautiful sermon. He rambled for 75 minutes about this and that, which is amazing because this is a room full of alleged Christians, which Trump — he doesn’t know anything about that, he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t read the Bible. The only thing he prays for is money.” — JIMMY KIMMEL