Mayhem At The Nerd Prom

I have just been exploring options for a logo for our new podcast, "Another Fine Mess" and am frankly amazed at what AI can do. Of course, I am late to this as I have not yet figured out how to make myself into a character from the Bible, but I'll work on it. And thanks to AI and the instant analysis from all the PhD graduates from Google University, we have the perfect explanation for the shooting incident at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday night.

They have all concluded that it was a complete fake. And, honestly, I can understand the skepticism, though I don't agree with it. After all, whenever there is a post on Facebook about the Apollo moon landings or the Kennedy assassination, they all come out of the woodwork with what they consider plausible theories as to why history got it all wrong. And like political arguments these days, no amount of simple logic or actual evidence will convince them otherwise.

Firstly, I understand the suspicion. The Epstein business has the Resolute Desk covered in sweat stains now, ergo Venezuela, and now Iran. The midterms, as a result of the inflation caused by tariffs and Iran, now look doubtful. After all, this guy was supposed to be a brilliant businessman, though his actual track record shows a level of incompetence that would get any CEO who didn't have a TV show fired immediately.

Imagine how long Disney, Goldman, GM or any other major corporation would keep a guy who made so many basic economic mistakes. He doesn't even understand what a trade deficit means. He actually thinks we are being robbed, and his tariffs are paid by foreign countries.

And of course, he may just want to avoid a boring state visit from King Charles after all his ill-considered nastiness about NATO and the UK in particular.

So, for the conspiratorially minded, these assassination attempts seem like diversions. But let's be logical.

In Butler, Pennsylvania, during the campaign, you would have to first get some geeky kid with his dad's rifle to sneak onto the rally site and start shooting.

Remember, though you may doubt the seriousness of Trump's wound, one guy was killed, another was shot, and the kid was killed as well. If it was a setup, it went seriously awry. And all that was with a serious FBI Chief in charge.

But that doesn't describe the situation on Saturday night, where the security was led by our locker room bro in chief, Kash...

And the Secret Service is now under the overall command of the son Ma and Pa Walton don't like to talk about, Markwayne...

And, yes, he's wearing a cowboy hat at a Senate hearing. Who does he think he is, Sid Miller?

And again, there are lots of questions about the security setup for a President who is going to sit in a room full of liquored-up people he has continuously insulted for the last several years. What could go wrong?

Well, to the credit of my colleagues in the press, it wasn't them, but a teacher from California who wrote the most apologetic "manifesto" in years. And Manifesto is such an overused and overly flowery word for a simple confession. He padded his basic "I did it" with so much verbiage that he would have given a student who turned it in a "C" at best.

The funniest part is that he took the time to criticize Kash and Markwayne's security setup as well. And, according to witnesses, if he hadn't fallen down, he'd have made it into the room. Speaking of that, the other thing that has the conspiracy caucus's tin foil hats vibrating is the fact that he isn't dead. I mean, the guy was running in with guns and shot one agent. And he was wrestled down and not peppered like a steak au poivre, or Alex Pretty?

The agent is OK, by the way, due to his bulletproof vest, which was also suspicious for these folks. But imagine trusting your fellow conspirator to shoot you in the vest while on the run. He was a teacher, for crying out loud, not Annie Oakley.

Finally, it is completely predictable that Trump would make hay out of this, but as a way to pitch the big ballroom idea? Well, sure, why not? After all, none of this would have happened in the big ballroom. Why, we could have avoided the tragedy in 1963 if JFK had been driven through Dallas inside a big ballroom. And as one might expect, it's all the fault of those nasty politicians and their hateful rhetoric.

According to Mediaite, spokesmodel Karoline Leavitt rattled off some comments that researchers who used to work for Pam Bondi in her congressional testimony put-downs had no doubt assembled for her overnight...

LEAVITT: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries this month said, “We are in an era of maximum warfare everywhere, all the time. Gov. Josh Shapiro said, “Heads need to roll within the administration.” Sen. Alex Padilla said people are quote, “Dying because of fear and terror caused by the Trump administration.” Sen. Elizabeth Warren, “President Trump is making the country look like a” quote, “fascist state.” Sen. Adam Schiff saying President Trump using a “dictator playbook.” Sen. Ed Markey, calling President Trump “a dictator,” saying that this administration’s actions are “authoritarianism on steroids.” Gov. J.B. Pritzker, “Never before in my life have I called for mass protest disruptions. These Republicans cannot know a moment of peace.” You have Rep. [Ayanna] Pressley saying, “We’ll see you in the streets. Rep. LaMonica McIver, a Democrat representative on Capitol Hill, “We will not take this sh*t from Donald Trump. He thinks he’s a dictator. We are at war.”

Of course, at different times, the President has called Democrats...
"Enemy within"
"Communists"
"Scum"
"Garbage"
"Terrorists"
"The enemy of the people"
"Vermin"
"The enemy within"
"Radical"
"Treasonous"
"Lunatics"
"Animals"
"Demonic"
"Degenerates"
"Evil"
"Jew haters"
"Fascists"
"Lowlifes"
"Marxists"

And, of course, as far as inspiring violence, I would let two murdered Minnesota lawmakers and another who was wounded, along with Nancy Pelosi's husband, comment if they could. But I think we can agree that political insanity knows no political party and leave it at that.

Except, of course, we can never leave it at that. The next night, Trump was on "Sixty Minutes," you know, on the new and improved MAGA version of CBS. And he still managed to call Norah O'Donnell horrible and a disgrace.

Let's just agree that everyone in that room is lucky that Kash's Keystone Kops managed to catch the guy, and all is well.

Especially for this attendee...

Come on, alcohol was included in the price of a ticket, so the evening wasn't a complete waste.